A Pious Servant’s Advice to his Son on his Nikah Day:
Dear Son, you will not attain good fortune in your home except by 10 characteristics which you show to your wife, so remember them and be enthusiastic in acting upon them.
These are:
- Women like attention and they liked to be told clearly that they are loved. So don’t be stingy in expressing your love for your wife.
- If you limit expressing your love, you will create a barrier of harshness between you and her; and there will be a decrease in affection.
- Ladies dislike a strict and overcautious man, yet they seek to use the soft vulnerable one. So use each quality appropriately. This will be more appealing for love and it will bring peace of mind.
- Ladies like from their husbands what their husbands would like from them; i.e. kind words, good looks, clean clothes and a pleasant odour. Therefore always remain in that state.
- Indeed, the house is under the sovereignty of the woman. Whilst she remains therein, she feels that she is sitting upon her throne and that she is chief of the house. Stay clear of destroying this kingdom of hers and do not ever attempt to dethrone her, as you will be trying to snatch her sovereignty. A king becomes enraged at the one who tries to strip him of his authority, even if he portrays something else.
- A woman wants to love her husband but at the same time she does not want to lose her family. So do not put yourself and her family in the same scale where the choice will be either you or her family. If she does choose you over her family, she will remain in anxiety, which will turn into hatred towards you.
- Surely, woman has been created from a curved rib. This is the secret of her beauty and the secret of the attention towards her. This is no defect in her because ‘the eyebrows look beautiful due to them being curved.’ So if she errs, do not rebuke her in a manner in which there is no gentleness, attempting to straighten her; otherwise you will simply break her and her breaking, is her divorce. At the same time, do not let her off upon that mistake, otherwise her crookedness will increase and she will become arrogant with an ego. Thereafter, she will never soften for you and she won’t listen to you, so remain inbetween the two.
- It is a woman’s nature to be ungrateful to her husband and to deny his favours. If you were good to her, her entire life but you caused her grief once, she will say: “I have never seen any good from you.” Don’t let this attitude of her’s make you dislike her or cause you to run away from her. If you dislike this in her, you will be pleased with other good habits within her, so create a balance.
- Surely there are times when a woman goes through some conditions of bodily weakness and fatigue of the mind. Allah سبحانه وتعالى has relieved her of some of her compulsory worship during that period; Allah سبحانه وتعالى has totally pardoned her from praying and has postponed the days of fasting for her within this break to a later date until she regains her health and becomes normal in her temperament once more: thus, during these days, treat her in a godly manner.
Just as Allah سبحانه وتعالى has relieved her of her duties, you should also lessen your demands and instructions from her during those days. - Last but not least, know that a woman is like a captive with you therefore have mercy upon her.
May Allah Ta’ala grant us the ability to practise upon these advices and bless us with the best of both worlds. Ameen